Dr. Oz: Are You Keeping A Secret From Your Spouse
In one of the episodes in Dr. Oz’s show, Dr. Oz talks about the effects of keeping a secret from your spouse. We all have secrets that we don’t want to share, but sometimes if you or someone you love is keeping a secret, it will not only affect your relationship. It will affect your body as well. Dr. Oz invites a couple to talk about an issue that can potentially undermine their marriage. The husband confesses for the very first time during the show the secret he has been keeping from his wife, who is concerned about his cholesterol problem.
Meet Daynee and Michael. Daynee has been suspecting that Michael was hiding something. Their story started way back when they met when Daynee was only 16. She got diabetes after she met Michael. From then on, she tried to eat foods that are healthy. She’s been very careful with foods and she wants Michael to do the same. She regularly makes him breakfast and lunch. But for several times, she finds that there are uneaten food in the car and bags at the back of the car. Michael has high cholesterol, and she doesn’t want him to go on medication like she does for her diabetes. She wants him to be healthy for the family. So, she wondered and asked what was wrong.
At this point, Michael comes clean and confesses to Daynee that he’s not been eating her lunch, he’s been throwing her food away, and he eats fast food five times a week. The reason? “Just because it tastes so good.” He further says that ever since Daynee started cooking healthy because of her diabetes, food doesn’t taste good as it used to be. He says that he is still young and strong, so he can worry about cholesterol when he is older. At this revelation, Daynee was obviously upset.
Dr. Oz explains to Michael that he should worry about his cholesterol. He might be thinking that he is young now, but things get rusted inside with bad cholesterol. This is why his wife is doing something for him now that will not require him medication or operation later on that he can’t get out of. But more than the food and cholesterol issue, Dr. Oz is more concerned about the relationship of the two.
Dr. Oz: How To Communicate Effectively With Your Spouse
In this portion, Dr. Oz calls in psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Mann (author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat), to discuss how couples can have their needs met by being honest and open with each other. So, Dr. Oz asks, “How common is it for couples to keep secrets from each other, even if they love each other dearly?”
Dr. Mann answers that there is a big difference between secret and privacy. A secret is when the wife has a Facebook account and the husband does not know about it. Privacy is when you have hemorrhoids problem and it’s something you’re not comfortable talking about. In the case of Michael, Dr. Mann thinks that his intentions are not bad and he’s not being malicious. He just doesn’t know how to handle the situation.
She goes on to explain that this is a couple’s issue and this is about a lack of communication. The real problem with Daynee and Michael is to know how to have conflict resolution. And all couples should know how to do that. In their case, moreover, Michael has to put an end to sneaking around eating fast food, and he must stop hiding or throwing away Daynee’s food. The two of them must communicate and work through their conflict.
Dr. Mann now asks Michael why he’s not being honest with Daynee and what’s preventing him from being forthcoming? He answers that if he tells her the truth, she’s going to be upset with him. Dr. Mann points out that the irony of it all is that by throwing away the food that Daynee is making him, over time it will upset her more than if he came out straight and said, “I don’t think I can really eat quite this healthy, what should I do?” They should talk about it and work it through. She then turns to Daynee and explains that she is more aggressive with Michael than she realized. It’s alright that she wants him to be healthy and that she’s passionate about it, but she’s not leaving Michael some room to communicate with her. And when a woman is that intense, it scares guys away. Men want to please their women, especially good men. So what the woman needs to do is to open the door for communication. Women need to inspire their men and not nag, because when women nag, men rebel against them. Dr. Mann encourages Daynee to pull out of Michael’s food stuff and instead be really working things together.
Low Cholesterol Diet Plan
Turning now to Michael’s cholesterol problem, Dr. Mann tells him to ask himself one question every meal, “How do I want to feel at the end of this meal?” After eating, he must tune in and ask, “What does my stomach feel? How does my digestion feel?” Normally, when a person eats fast hood, there is sluggishness and energy is not great. Besides, it’s not healthy eating. If Michael really listens to his body, his body will respond well to healthy food.
Therefore, as a final analysis, Michael and Daynee have both gone extreme. She tells him what his goals are, while on the other hand, Michael does exactly what’s not helping his cholesterol and hiding it all. Dr. Mann explains that in reality, we all need to eat fun foods and have a relationship with our food. So to address Michael’s dilemma, he can have fast food to be 10 or 20% of his diet, but it doesn’t have to be all of it. This way Daynee and Michael’s needs are matched, and nobody has to hide anything from somebody. Open communication is the key to meeting every couple’s needs effectively, and this key will help them achieve their goals together.